The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
