I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
