Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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