I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
