She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
