CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
