So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
