The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
we're so committed to being not committed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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