No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
