I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
