So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
