Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
