I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
