When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
