The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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