There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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