Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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