Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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