he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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