2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
