I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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