I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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