Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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