Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
