the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
