New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
