i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
