Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
