3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
