Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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