From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
