lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
