I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
