At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
