Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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