Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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