"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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