Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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