Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
