ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
