some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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