You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
