I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
