I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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