I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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