We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
