A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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