If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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