Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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