so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
