So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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