I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
